I’ve been working on a way to jump back into the mix. My little one just turned 8 months and while for some people they have an idea of what that means, I’d like to take this time to say FORGET ALL THAT $#it! This kid does backflips, fakes like he can’t walk, initiates the peek-a-boo games and has a taste for carpet lint. I’m spent.

So imagine my thoughts and feelings when I peek in on the rest of the world and I see that you all have not only let Kavanaugh into office, putting my very much still healing uterus in jeopardy, you let Kanye keep saying things out loud after that whole “Slavery is a Choice” situation before he got a chance to finish his “I’m never leaving Chicago again” re-brand. Why?! So instead of setting up the camera to capture all of the bags under my eyes I’m going to give a rundown on all of the hot takes that I’ve skipped while trying to not be a Trash Mother.

1. We’re finally getting the conversation going about how there’s several flavors of “Black” around the world. While I know there’s a greater conversation going on around the woman selected to play Harriet Tubman, I just want to hit pause on this fact. White people get to be Irish, Italian, French, Spanish, English, etc. all with their own cultures and traditions. What’s difficult to understand about wanting to maintain accuracy in how one’s ancestors are portrayed? However in the case of Harriet Tubman we’re talking about a woman responsible for the survival of many of us that only died a few months after Delta Sigma Theta was founded… so more Elder that’s passed on than Ancestor in the sense that the word evokes a certain amount of time expiring.

2. What’s the deal with us and the NFL? I’m still on the outs, but if you take a look at social media it appears that everyone else has moved on. That’s fine, here’s all I’ve got on that. Let’s not get all loud and mad ever again then, ok? Great. It’s not like we had an alternative ready to take up the space…but I’ve started repping FC Cincinnati in quiet enjoyment. There’s got to be a place in time that we stop acting shocked when an oppresive class acts oppresively. Those of us that didn’t sleep in history class, and read for ourselves can see the nonsense coming. Can we just work on collectively learning the pattern, passing on the secrets and ducking before the punches come?

3. We’ve been through the “Feminism” blanket statment of solidarity routine before. Don’t join us kneeling for your own interests, if you weren’t with us kneeling for our sons and sisters. Make up your own chants Chelsea, we’re not falling for the okey doke again.

4. My GUY… Yeezy’s are not the solution to ANYTHING. Not one problem will be solved with Shambles Chic. Thought you said you weren’t leaving Chicago? Kim, if you don’t get your husband and freak him to sleep somewhere so we don’t have to be involved. Tell your mother to tap that spoon and keep him. We’re exhausted.

5. I don’t know who’s running Aftab Pureval’s ad campaign, but they better audition for SNL once they get him through (You need to be from Ohio, or be stealing the Hulu from someone in Ohio to get this).

6. GIRL, we are very much finished with you calling the police on our babies doing nothing. I hope you use your time in the unemployment line to contemplate why you are useless to society. How are you mad at our babies, but 58% of you couldn’t figure out what to do with the top of the Executive Branch of government? #neverforget

7. The number of completion and my final hot take… I am NOT leaving this country Akon. Sorry. My family built this place and when finally compensated for a fraction of the toil, had that stripped away because some swindler wasn’t ready to catch them Claxton Dekle hands. I’m staying, and my son’s children are taking back EVERYTHING. Nice sales pitch though. 400+years too late.

I wrote this piece to contribute to another site linked here. My goal is to get back in front of the camera and hit you all with my normal positive spin. I just needed to be clear on where I stood on a few things.

My words are my own, and nobody speaks for me.

-Black Maggie